Quote list

Blek's wife: You sure about these chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee.
Blek: It's OK, Mama. Anyone complains, I bend legs up for free.
Cygnoids A Leela of Her Own, Volume 3
Leela: I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit.
Blek's wife: Thank you.
Leela: No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.
Turanga Leela, Cygnoids A Leela of Her Own, Volume 3
You save us, a-sir. If we cannot make Earth pizza our dream will die. Just like rats we crushed to make the wine.
Cygnoids A Leela of Her Own, Volume 3
Ford: Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.
Nixon: No kidding, Ford.
Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford A Head in the Polls, Volume 2
Fry: They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.
Bender: Pft. Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.
Your Honour, freedom of speech applies to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in.
Hyper-Chicken lawyer A Taste of Freedom, Volume 4
Fry: I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.
Whitey: Ah, the 67th Amendment.
Philip J. Fry, Judge Ron Whitey Insane in the Mainframe, Volume 3
Whitey: Counselor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?
Hyper-Chicken: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.
Whitey: Insanity plea is accepted.
Hyper-Chicken lawyer, Judge Ron Whitey Insane in the Mainframe, Volume 3
Fry: I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots!
Bender: Well, you meet half the qualifications.
Fry: Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me?
Leela: Oh, lots of reasons.
Philip J. Fry, Turanga Leela Insane in the Mainframe, Volume 3
Your Honour, I move that I be disbarred for introducing this evidence against my own clients.
Hyper-Chicken lawyer Insane in the Mainframe, Volume 3
The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddie chauffeur informs me that a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes, theft of money.
Judge Ron Whitey Insane in the Mainframe, Volume 3
I may be a simple country Hyper-Chicken but I know when we're finger-licked. Whattya say we plead insanity?
Hyper-Chicken lawyer Insane in the Mainframe, Volume 3
Professor Farnsworth: Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.
Hermes: That doesn't sound very scientific.
Professor Farnsworth: Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!
But I'll tell you the same thing they told me: "Stop asking questions, old man, and we'll slip you an extra five grand that your crew doesn't need to know about."
Hubert J. Farnsworth Assie Come Home, Volume 7
Amy: Bender, come join us. We're watching "Rear Window".
Bender: I used to stick my rear out the window.
Zoidberg: If you prefer, we could watch "Behind the Music".
Bender: My behind used to make music.
Hermès: "Backdraft" is on.
Bender: Even my ass wouldn't watch that.
Leela: Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar.
Bender: And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew.
But, robot, you can't just make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma. They have to come from the heart.
John A. Zoidberg Forty Percent Leadbelly, Volume 7
Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer!
Philip J. Fry Fun on a Bun, Volume 7
Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest?
Philip J. Fry Fun on a Bun, Volume 7

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