Quotes of Zapp Brannigan
Quotes of Zapp Brannigan
Quotes per season
- (Movie) The Beast with a Billion Backs 1 quote
- Volume 1 4 quotes
- Volume 2 13 quotes
- Volume 3 6 quotes
Captain Zapp Brannigan (born June 30, 2972) is a military officer in the Democratic Order of the Planets and the Government of Earth.
Twenty-five-star general, he is presented as a war hero following various victories, including against killer robots.
He commands the ship Nimbus (and briefly other ships like the Titanic) and is always accompanied by his lieutenant Kif Kroker.
Although he is considered a hero by many people, those who have been close to him and his soldiers have a totally different perception of him.
He is indeed self-centered, arrogant, incompetent, misogynistic and in no way hesitates to sacrifice his men to win a battle.
This was particularly the case during his battle against the horde of killer robots: the robots having a precise quota of victories, he sent wave after wave of all the men he had until the robots reached their quota and fell into breakdown.
Kif: Sir, can I speak with you?
Zapp Brannigan: No!
Kif: But, sir, it's an emergency.
Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
[The ship shakes and rumbles]
Zapp Brannigan: [stands up] Oh, very well.
Zapp Brannigan: No!
Kif: But, sir, it's an emergency.
Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
[The ship shakes and rumbles]
Zapp Brannigan: [stands up] Oh, very well.
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Zapp Brannigan: My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif Kroker: What?
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
Kif Kroker: What?
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
Zapp Brannigan: Throw her in the brig.
Fry: We don't have a brig.
Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
Fry: We don't have a brig.
Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
Zapp Brannigan: Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you.
Zapp Brannigan: I meant physically. Just let me work for a little food. I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif might!
Leela: I never loved you.
Zapp Brannigan: I meant physically. Just let me work for a little food. I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif might!
Kif, I'm headed to the men's room and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.
It's alright. I've always thought myself as a father figure to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.
It's alright. I've always thought myself as a father figure to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.
I'd like two steaks and the ladies will have some very sensual salads -- with low-cal sensual dressing.
Kif: Is there nothing we can do, sir?
Zapp: There's only one sure-fire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.
Kif: My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain!
Zapp: There's only one sure-fire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.
Kif: My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain!
I met her in a club down in old Soho,
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola,
C-O-L-A ... Cola.
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola,
C-O-L-A ... Cola.
Let's see what this eatery can do.
[The restaurant blasts forwards and knocks a few ships away from the car park.]
Ah, she's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro.
[The restaurant shakes.]
She's out of control! You win again, gravity!
[The restaurant blasts forwards and knocks a few ships away from the car park.]
Ah, she's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro.
[The restaurant shakes.]
She's out of control! You win again, gravity!
Thog: We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend and subscription to Cosmo.
Zapp: Just FYI, I could be used for snu-snu.
Thog: Silence. You want die like last men visit Amazonia?
Fry: What'd they die of?
Kug: Crushed pelvises.
Fry: Yes!
Zapp: Oh, thank you, Lord in heaven!
Zapp: Just FYI, I could be used for snu-snu.
Thog: Silence. You want die like last men visit Amazonia?
Fry: What'd they die of?
Kug: Crushed pelvises.
Fry: Yes!
Zapp: Oh, thank you, Lord in heaven!
Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in an human male's world.
Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.
Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.
Leela: You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!
Zapp: And which one rocked your world?
Zapp: And which one rocked your world?
We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law.
However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.
And in the end is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.
And in the end is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
Zapp: What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
Zapp: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Kif: Um, sir, you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.
Zapp: No matter. I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.
Kif: Sir, I don't think that's wise.
Zapp: Kif, if there's one thing I don't need it's your I-don't-think-that's-wise attitude.
Zapp: No matter. I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.
Kif: Sir, I don't think that's wise.
Zapp: Kif, if there's one thing I don't need it's your I-don't-think-that's-wise attitude.
Zapp: I'd like to make one final statement. Kif, c'mere and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes.
My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour.
Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif: What?
My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour.
Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif: What?
One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.
It makes you think.
It makes you think.
He edged out my old mark by two seconds ... and 16 minutes ... and 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kif.