Quote list

Zoidberg: And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday and I found it in the same dumpster, but this one had a live raccoon inside. [He slurps.] Pretty good story, eh, Hermes?
Hermes: Stick to someone else, you windy barnacle!
John A. Zoidberg, Hermes Conrad Amazon Women in the Mood, Volume 3
No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in her lap and steer -- in this comic I drew.
Philip J. Fry The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz, Volume 3
Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best ... at being a big jerk who's stupid and his big, ugly face is as dumb as a butt.
Philip J. Fry The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz, Volume 3
At the time of the crash, the tanker captain had an alcohol level of .08 percent -- well below the legal limit for robots.
Morbo The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz, Volume 3
Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in an human male's world.
Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.
Zapp Brannigan, Lrrr Omicron Persei 8 attaque, Volume 1
It is true what they say; women are from Omicron Persei 7, men are from Omicron Persei 9.
Ndnd When Aliens Attack, Volume 1
Bender: You're my best friend, Fry, I'm sorry I treated you so badly.
Fry: Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.
Leela: Wait! I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand.
Bender: I promise nothing!
Leela: Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?
Bender: Hey. What I don't do is none of your business.
Leela: Please, Bender. Have some malt liquor. If not for yourself then for the people who love you.
Bender: I hate the people who love me and they hate me.
Fry: Man, it's a total sty! For the first time in a thousand years, I feel like I'm home.
Bender: Yeah! It's gonna be fun on the bun! Y'know, Fry, of all the friends I've had, you're the first.
Fry: I'm sorry, Bender, but there's just not enough room.
Bender: Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a-whole-another two-thirds of a person.
Bender: [sleep talking] Kill all humans ... kill all humans ... must kill all the humans.
Fry: Bender, wake up!
[He wakes up and yawns.]
Bender: I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
Hermes: Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work.
Fry: I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.
Leela: What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation!
Fry: And great lift!
Leela: Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines?
Fry: Hey! When you look this good, you don't have to know anything.
Leela: You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!
Zapp: And which one rocked your world?
Turanga Leela, Zapp Brannigan Love’s Labors Lost in Space, Volume 1
So a couple of animals didn't die and Leela got lucky.
That's what I call a successful mission!
Bender Bending Rodríguez Love’s Labors Lost in Space, Volume 1
We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law.
However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.
And in the end is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
Zapp Brannigan Love’s Labors Lost in Space, Volume 1
If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive violent temper, of course you're gonna be lonely.
Philip J. Fry Love’s Labors Lost in Space, Volume 1
The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.
John A. Zoidberg Love’s Labors Lost in Space, Volume 1
Amy: Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people.
Hermes: The Federal Sex Bureau.
Bender: A saucy puppet show.
Zoidberg: The rotting carcass of a whale.
Amy: Hmm, I'll pick!

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