Volume 1 quotes on Futurama

Volume 1

Top of season

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... "I. C. Wiener"?
Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.
Philip J. Fry Space Pilot 3000, Volume 1
Here's to another lousy millennium.
Philip J. Fry Space Pilot 3000, Volume 1
Fry: Whoa… a real live robot! Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass.
Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.
Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag.
Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
Fry: Well, let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
Bender: Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
Kif: Sir, can I speak with you?
Zapp Brannigan: No!
Kif: But, sir, it's an emergency.
Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
[The ship shakes and rumbles]
Zapp Brannigan: [stands up] Oh, very well.
Zapp Brannigan A Flight to Remember, Volume 1
Kif: Sir, remember your course correction?
Zapp Brannigan: No.
Kif: Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we had initially hoped.
Kif Kroker A Flight to Remember, Volume 1
Hermes: Bender, it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf around on the couch.
Bender: You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!
Leela: Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?
Fry: Uhh...... 80,000 years?
Leela: No, one week!
Fry: Damn! I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.
Philip J. Fry My Three Suns, Volume 1
Fry: That was the saltiest thing I ever tasted! And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt!
Philip J. Fry My Three Suns, Volume 1
Bender: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.
Zoidberg: Uh-oh! I shouldn't have had seconds.
Fry: Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.
Organ Salesman: Yes, gills. Then, uh, you don't need lungs anymore, is right?
Fry: Can't imagine why I would.
Organ Salesman: Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.
Philip J. Fry My Three Suns, Volume 1
Leela: I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.
Bender: Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.
Prof. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
Bender: Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Prof. Farnsworth: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
Bender: Here it comes.
Prof. Farnsworth: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
Bender: Thank you and goodnight.
Leela: Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?
Prof. Farnsworth: Why, of course! It's just a name! Like the Death Zone or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror!
Bart Simpson-doll: Eat my shorts!
Bender: Okay! [Eats the doll's shorts.] Mmm, shorts.
Bender Bending Rodríguez A Big Piece of Garbage, Volume 1
Fry: Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin.
Leela: Those things are all from the 19th century.
Fry: Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.
Philip J. Fry A Big Piece of Garbage, Volume 1
Professor Farnsworth: I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe!
Bender: Ooh, name it after me!
Bender Bending Rodríguez A Big Piece of Garbage, Volume 1
[The Planet Express crew has watched an online movie about the solution to the garbage problem in New York.]
Fry: Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.
Professor Farnsworth: Actually, that's still true.
[In the movie.]
Female Scientist: Now that the garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions?
Male Scientist: With gusto. [The two scientists begin disrobing.]
Philip J. Fry A Big Piece of Garbage, Volume 1
[After escaping Robot Hell]
Bender: Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
Leela: Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?
Bender: I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?
Fry: [Chuckles] Good ol' Bender.
Bender Bending Rodríguez Hell Is Other Robots, Volume 1
Leela: Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?
Bender: [Nervous] No! Don't come in!
Bender Bending Rodríguez Hell Is Other Robots, Volume 1
Fry: Bender, are you alright?
Bender: No! Oh, they tortured me with up-tempo singing and dancing!
Bender Bending Rodríguez Hell Is Other Robots, Volume 1

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