Quotes of Hermes Conrad

Hermes Conrad

Quotes per season

Hermes: People, we got a problem: Little Nibbler's been coughing up hairballs.
Leela: Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal?
[Nibbler coughs up a huge one. In amongst the green gloop is a white cane. Fry whistles with impression.]
Fry: He's got me beat!
Philip J. Fry, Turanga Leela, Hermes Conrad Amazon Women in the Mood, Volume 3
Zoidberg: And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday and I found it in the same dumpster, but this one had a live raccoon inside. [He slurps.] Pretty good story, eh, Hermes?
Hermes: Stick to someone else, you windy barnacle!
John A. Zoidberg, Hermes Conrad Amazon Women in the Mood, Volume 3
Hermes: Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work.
Fry: I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.
Amy: Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people.
Hermes: The Federal Sex Bureau.
Bender: A saucy puppet show.
Zoidberg: The rotting carcass of a whale.
Amy: Hmm, I'll pick!
Professor Farnsworth: Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.
Hermes: That doesn't sound very scientific.
Professor Farnsworth: Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!
Amy: Bender, come join us. We're watching "Rear Window".
Bender: I used to stick my rear out the window.
Zoidberg: If you prefer, we could watch "Behind the Music".
Bender: My behind used to make music.
Hermès: "Backdraft" is on.
Bender: Even my ass wouldn't watch that.
Dark matter costs have tripled, so we must reduce expenses. Therefore, we will no longer provide complimentary porno magazines in the lounge.
Sweet bongo of the Congo!
In Jamaica, we got 10-story office buildings lower than that.
That's why they call me 11-inch Conrad.
Hermes: I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.
Farnsworth: Ha! The Sacred Weed of Omicron is a serious herb.
Hermes: Sacred Weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!
According to government records, the only names not yet trademarked are "Popplers" and "Zitsels".
Hermes Conrad The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2

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