Volume 2 quotes on Futurama

Volume 2

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Zapp: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Kif: Um, sir, you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.
Zapp: No matter. I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.
Kif: Sir, I don't think that's wise.
Zapp: Kif, if there's one thing I don't need it's your I-don't-think-that's-wise attitude.
Zapp Brannigan, Kif Kroker Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Glab: The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong. However, in light of his years of service, and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor, I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.
Glab Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp: I'd like to make one final statement. Kif, c'mere and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes.
My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour.
Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif: What?
Zapp Brannigan, Kif Kroker Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.
It makes you think.
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
He edged out my old mark by two seconds ... and 16 minutes ... and 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kif.
Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
Hm, words I never say. Oh, I know! "Thanks"!
Bender Bending Rodríguez War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
Well, this is just great! What's the point of living if I can't say "ass"? [He gasps.] Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass! Alright! I'm back in the saddle!
Bender Bending Rodríguez War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
Zapp: So it's you I've been attracted to! Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.
Leela: Let's do it again sometime.
Turanga Leela, Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his 10 most frequently-used words.
Number 10, chump; number 9, chumpette; number 8, yours; number 7, up; number 6, pimpmobile; number 5, bite; number 4, my; number 3, shiny; number 2, daffodil.
And Bender's number one most frequently-uttered word, the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet: Ass.
Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.
Richard Nixon War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
[singing] I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh.
Philip J. Fry War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! ... Lower!
Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
Ford: Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.
Nixon: No kidding, Ford.
Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford A Head in the Polls, Volume 2
Ndnd: Little one, get out of there. I'm going to count to blorx!
Jrrr: But, elder one--
Ndnd: Flingle…glorg…glorg and a gloob…
Jrrr, Ndnd The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2
Leela: Thank you, Jrrr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom.
Jrrr: When my species grows up, we eat our moms!
Turanga Leela, Jrrr The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2
Oh, they're great! They're like sex, except I'm having them!
Philip J. Fry The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2
They're tasty, right? Let's call 'em "Tasticles".
Bender Bending Rodríguez The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2
According to government records, the only names not yet trademarked are "Popplers" and "Zitsels".
Hermes Conrad The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2
[singing]
Pop a Poppler in your mouth,
When you come to Fishy Joe's,
What they're made of is a mystery,
Where they come from, no one knows,
You can pick 'em,
You can lick 'em,
You can chew 'em,
You can stick 'em,
If you promise not to sue us,
You can shove one up your nose.
Philip J. Fry, Bender Bending Rodríguez The Problem with Popplers, Volume 2

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