Quotes of Zapp Brannigan for season Volume 2

Zapp Brannigan

Quotes per season

It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp Brannigan: My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif Kroker: What?
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp Brannigan: Throw her in the brig.
Fry: We don't have a brig.
Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp Brannigan: Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you.
Zapp Brannigan: I meant physically. Just let me work for a little food. I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif might!
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp: What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Kif: Um, sir, you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.
Zapp: No matter. I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.
Kif: Sir, I don't think that's wise.
Zapp: Kif, if there's one thing I don't need it's your I-don't-think-that's-wise attitude.
Zapp Brannigan, Kif Kroker Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
Zapp: I'd like to make one final statement. Kif, c'mere and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes.
My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour.
Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif: What?
Zapp Brannigan, Kif Kroker Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.
It makes you think.
Zapp Brannigan Brannigan, Begin Again, Volume 2
He edged out my old mark by two seconds ... and 16 minutes ... and 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kif.
Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
Zapp: So it's you I've been attracted to! Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.
Leela: Let's do it again sometime.
Turanga Leela, Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his 10 most frequently-used words.
Number 10, chump; number 9, chumpette; number 8, yours; number 7, up; number 6, pimpmobile; number 5, bite; number 4, my; number 3, shiny; number 2, daffodil.
And Bender's number one most frequently-uttered word, the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet: Ass.
Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2
A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! ... Lower!
Zapp Brannigan War Is the H-Word, Volume 2

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