The quotes
Leela: Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?
Bender: [Nervous] No! Don't come in!
Bender: [Nervous] No! Don't come in!
Fry: Bender, are you alright?
Bender: No! Oh, they tortured me with up-tempo singing and dancing!
Bender: No! Oh, they tortured me with up-tempo singing and dancing!
[After delivering the subpoenas]
Fry: I know Big Vinny said he was giving me the Kiss of Death, but I still think he's gay.
Leela: Did he use his tongue?
Fry: A little.
Fry: I know Big Vinny said he was giving me the Kiss of Death, but I still think he's gay.
Leela: Did he use his tongue?
Fry: A little.
Leela: Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan.
Dr. Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan?
Leela: Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him?
Dr. Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan?
Leela: Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him?
Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?
Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! We've got a very special delivery today.
Fry: Who's it going to?
Professor Farnsworth: Me.
Bender: [dusting off hands] Another job well done!
Fry: Who's it going to?
Professor Farnsworth: Me.
Bender: [dusting off hands] Another job well done!
Fry: Very impressive. Back in the 20th century we had no idea there was a university on Mars.
Professor Farnsworth: Well, in those days Mars just was a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland. Much like Utah. But UNLIKE Utah, it was eventually made livable, when the university was founded in 2636.
Professor Farnsworth: Well, in those days Mars just was a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland. Much like Utah. But UNLIKE Utah, it was eventually made livable, when the university was founded in 2636.
Not every one turns out like their parents.
I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hardworking people.
I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hardworking people.
Space. It seems to go on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwin' barrels at you.
And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Zapp Brannigan: My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif Kroker: What?
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
Kif Kroker: What?
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my Banjo. [Fry looks at him.] And Fry.
Zapp Brannigan: Throw her in the brig.
Fry: We don't have a brig.
Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
Fry: We don't have a brig.
Zapp Brannigan: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
Zapp Brannigan: Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me.
Leela: I never loved you.
Zapp Brannigan: I meant physically. Just let me work for a little food. I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif might!
Leela: I never loved you.
Zapp Brannigan: I meant physically. Just let me work for a little food. I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floors.
Leela: You don't know how to do any of those things.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif might!
Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?
Fry: Please let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!
Robot Santa: You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!
Robot Santa: You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!
Man: Excuse me, sir, you're snowboarding off the trail.
Bender: Lick my frozen metal ass!
Bender: Lick my frozen metal ass!
Fry: This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.
Leela: Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.
Leela: Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.
Dear God, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup until January 3rd.